How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
