This girl is more easily done than said...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
