it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
