I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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