The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's the barista slut.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize