end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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