I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
