There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
