We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
