Dual....:-)
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
