I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's never too late to be topless.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
