if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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