Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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