the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
