It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
