What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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