is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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