So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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