when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
