hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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