So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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