Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
should my penis look like a turkey
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
