everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
