I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
