As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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