he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
