Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
