Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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