I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
