break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
