ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
