I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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