That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
