she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The air was thick with penises
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
