So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Vodka?
Forever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
