I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
