just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
