Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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