I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
