i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
