i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
