my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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