so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
