I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
