You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
