Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
