Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
