THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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