At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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