I accidentally burped into my bong.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
