yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
