You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
