Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
