So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
