It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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