saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
