I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
