Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
