dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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