found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
