haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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