would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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