Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
