look no pants
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
