She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize