You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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