I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
