actually, I'm a sock model
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
