the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
