There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
