people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
