distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
