Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
