I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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