It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
