This is not my ceiling
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
