will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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