i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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