We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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