I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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