I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
