So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
