dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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