a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
